The key problem of communication in relationships is often not truly listening to understand—but instead listening to react, defend, or respond. The biggest problem isn’t that people don’t talk—it’s that they don’t feel safe enough to be fully heard or understood
Yeah, that's it. That's it right there, and that's why I'm flat sitting for a friend for 10 days while I finish my master's thesis to put some distance and stop us from going in circles again and again.
One month ago, my 4 year relationship ended… and I still can’t believe it’s over. I loved him so much. I still love him. I’ve tried everything to fix things, to make him see how much we belong together… but nothing worked. No matter how hard I try to move on, my heart won’t let go. I don’t even know why I’m saying this here… I just miss him. I just want him back.
I loved this video, it really hit me hard. I still can’t believe my wife left me after 18 years together. She just walked away and cut off all communication. I’ve tried everything to bring her back, but nothing seems to work. Honestly, I’m heartbroken. I can’t imagine my life with anyone else. I’ve tried to move on, but it feels like I’m stuck in this loop of memories and endless “what ifs. I just needed to say it out loud I miss her more than words can explain.
I figure this is why couples therapy did not work for my parents. Simply communicating is not going to work if the partners don’t have the space together to feel safe sharing. One of my parents is a narcissist who constant belittles people so I suspect my other parent never felt safe in that relationship. It was a very messy divorce that was incredibly painful for me, but I now understand what happened and will bring the lessons into my own dating.
This reminds me of the book Fight Right. It was written by a married couple that are actually also psychologists. Wonderful wonderful book about healthy conflict because no one will ever be without conflict
I really appreciate you showing me a mirror and me getting ti learn words for changing it.. so i can be better and different as understanding and words are gained. 😊
So, I came here to know the truth about this situation….; … a guy entered a relationship with a lady who has no child but he has… and, he jumps in at every interaction the lady has with his 14yo girl in defense without even knowing if they were playing or not. Before he finds out, it's already gone bad. Ok, this part made me come here to hear people's views of the situation. The 14yo has her bathroom 🛁 but, for some reason, went to the room her dad shares with the lady (meanwhile, the lady is home with her but her dad is out). She used their toilet, flushed but sometimes, you have to flush twice to have a clean water and outlook… but she didn't, left the poop water. The lady wouldn't know she went to her room but for the dirty toilet, she went to her room to ask if she used thier bathroom, she said, yes, and the lady asked why she didn't flush/leave it clean, she argued that she flushed the lady said, it's not clean, she repeated she flushed it with an attitude. The lady then asked her, why she even went to her room in the first instance and to use their bathroom, she said, she needed to use the toilet and added, "and so?"… the Lady was surprised and asked why she didn't use her own bathroom, she gave an excuse that someone was using it (meanwhile, the door was open and the visitor only fetched water and took it away to use in another room, so, the bathroom door was wide open, not even closed). So, the lady asked, why she didn't tell her she wanted to use her bathroom but she, questioned the lady, "why she should her, that she wanted to use the toilet, so, she went to use it and added, "and so?", with an attitude. Now since she said she flushed it, the lady asked her to come see it and she went and saw the unclean toilet and insisted she flushed that, maybe someone else but when the lady told her nope, she then, casually flushed and wanted to leave when there were poop 💩 stains, the lady asked her to use the brush, another argument and attitude before she casually used the brush and still a little left but this time, she refused to perfect and video called her dad from work and showed the toilet and, while she was explaining, she showed those attitude and add, "it makes not sense". Later she stepped out of the house and, I called her dad to let him know she's out of the house and, he said, he picked her and that, he wants to talk to her. They returned 2hrs later and he said to the lady, that his daughter wants to talk to her; the girl apologized. Later that night… the Lady, as usual, most of the time, knowing, he spends with his daughter, in the kitchen, etc, after they finished in the kitchen and the lady came out of their room, looking for him, opened the girl's door to check if the man is with his daughter and didn't see him, asked the girl, "where's your dad?" and, closed it back to turn and the man just opened the visitors' bathroom door to come out and, see the lady, immediately, said out loud, "always knock on her door before you ope ned", the lady, surprised to hear that instruction from him, replied, "really?", and the man replied sternly, "yes, don't open her door without knocking", the lady replied, "but she could enter my room without permission and use my toilet without asking and, not even leave it cleam?"…. and, all altercation break lose from there 🤷♂️ . The man has refuse to acknowledge the girl's wrong before the lady and, justified that she wanted to use the toilet but have a problem with the lady opening the girl's door without knocking, even when the lady tries to compare the two, he says they don't compare…from one argument to another, to threats to move out (that's, the man wanting to move out of the lady's house…). Pls, what do you think is going on here?
Yesterday we decided to take a break. Not because we want to see other people hell no, but because the pattern we were in was hurting more than supporting. We didn’t scream at each other or tell each other off, just listened and reassessed. He was at a point where he was caretaking me rather than figuring out what he needed. Trust me we had so many discussions about this and because he doesn’t know I cannot support him, and me being there is distracting from his own healing. I really don’t believe this is good bye forever but we both need to change and revaluate how we are treating ourselves and each other in the relationship. I miss him, desperately, and yes I did initiate this break. We’re still going to have healthy communication and check ins to see where we’re at. I hate this but I am holding him back and he needs time to figure things out with someone who has the tools to help him.
just cant believe my wife left me after 18 years, she just left me. she doesnt even want to talk to me anymore. Ive tried everything possible to get her back, but nothing seems to work and I cant stop thinking about her Im frustrated I dont see my life with anyone else. Ive done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I cant I dont know why I'm saying this here
I would love to get to attend to learn a better communication way. Thank you fir all you share. It is helpful to hear, and hopefully put into practice.
Saying your sorry more doesnt mean that its sincere. When i apologize, it isnt most often( thats my boyfriend), but i know how to give a proper apology, and its sincere😢.
let's learn the numbers, here: less than 5% of couples that start at, say, 20 "make it" to say, 80. Enough said, Jimmy. Excellent work, though. So, when it's time to leave – LET GO and move on to the next person. I don't care how that sounds – to anybody. THIS IS LIFE so lots of people need to learn this or suffer for the rest of it. In other words, do NOT force "making it work" with "communication". STOP and move on. Why? Because by that point, you are already on "borrowed time" with your partner / spouse / significant other / the person you're "dating" (or sleeping with).
The key problem of communication in relationships is often not truly listening to understand—but instead listening to react, defend, or respond. The biggest problem isn’t that people don’t talk—it’s that they don’t feel safe enough to be fully heard or understood
❤❤❤
Sign up?
I have low self esteem. I feel like i apologize all the time.
True! Just talking without listening makes no point!
This
Yeah, that's it. That's it right there, and that's why I'm flat sitting for a friend for 10 days while I finish my master's thesis to put some distance and stop us from going in circles again and again.
I wanna sign up
One month ago, my 4 year relationship ended… and I still can’t believe it’s over. I loved him so much. I still love him. I’ve tried everything to fix things, to make him see how much we belong together… but nothing worked. No matter how hard I try to move on, my heart won’t let go. I don’t even know why I’m saying this here… I just miss him. I just want him back.
I loved this video, it really hit me hard. I still can’t believe my wife left me after 18 years together. She just walked away and cut off all communication. I’ve tried everything to bring her back, but nothing seems to work. Honestly, I’m heartbroken. I can’t imagine my life with anyone else. I’ve tried to move on, but it feels like I’m stuck in this loop of memories and endless “what ifs. I just needed to say it out loud I miss her more than words can explain.
I figure this is why couples therapy did not work for my parents. Simply communicating is not going to work if the partners don’t have the space together to feel safe sharing. One of my parents is a narcissist who constant belittles people so I suspect my other parent never felt safe in that relationship. It was a very messy divorce that was incredibly painful for me, but I now understand what happened and will bring the lessons into my own dating.
This reminds me of the book Fight Right. It was written by a married couple that are actually also psychologists. Wonderful wonderful book about healthy conflict because no one will ever be without conflict
Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom. You are an effective teacher.
I really appreciate you showing me a mirror and me getting ti learn words for changing it.. so i can be better and different as understanding and words are gained. 😊
I have been single for years 😭😭😭😭
Oh really
So, I came here to know the truth about this situation….;
… a guy entered a relationship with a lady who has no child but he has… and, he jumps in at every interaction the lady has with his 14yo girl in defense without even knowing if they were playing or not. Before he finds out, it's already gone bad.
Ok, this part made me come here to hear people's views of the situation.
The 14yo has her bathroom 🛁 but, for some reason, went to the room her dad shares with the lady (meanwhile, the lady is home with her but her dad is out). She used their toilet, flushed but sometimes, you have to flush twice to have a clean water and outlook… but she didn't, left the poop water. The lady wouldn't know she went to her room but for the dirty toilet, she went to her room to ask if she used thier bathroom, she said, yes, and the lady asked why she didn't flush/leave it clean, she argued that she flushed the lady said, it's not clean, she repeated she flushed it with an attitude. The lady then asked her, why she even went to her room in the first instance and to use their bathroom, she said, she needed to use the toilet and added, "and so?"… the Lady was surprised and asked why she didn't use her own bathroom, she gave an excuse that someone was using it (meanwhile, the door was open and the visitor only fetched water and took it away to use in another room, so, the bathroom door was wide open, not even closed). So, the lady asked, why she didn't tell her she wanted to use her bathroom but she, questioned the lady, "why she should her, that she wanted to use the toilet, so, she went to use it and added, "and so?", with an attitude. Now since she said she flushed it, the lady asked her to come see it and she went and saw the unclean toilet and insisted she flushed that, maybe someone else but when the lady told her nope, she then, casually flushed and wanted to leave when there were poop 💩 stains, the lady asked her to use the brush, another argument and attitude before she casually used the brush and still a little left but this time, she refused to perfect and video called her dad from work and showed the toilet and, while she was explaining, she showed those attitude and add, "it makes not sense".
Later she stepped out of the house and, I called her dad to let him know she's out of the house and, he said, he picked her and that, he wants to talk to her.
They returned 2hrs later and he said to the lady, that his daughter wants to talk to her; the girl apologized.
Later that night… the Lady, as usual, most of the time, knowing, he spends with his daughter, in the kitchen, etc, after they finished in the kitchen and the lady came out of their room, looking for him, opened the girl's door to check if the man is with his daughter and didn't see him, asked the girl, "where's your dad?" and, closed it back to turn and the man just opened the visitors' bathroom door to come out and, see the lady, immediately, said out loud, "always knock on her door before you ope ned", the lady, surprised to hear that instruction from him, replied, "really?", and the man replied sternly, "yes, don't open her door without knocking", the lady replied, "but she could enter my room without permission and use my toilet without asking and, not even leave it cleam?"…. and, all altercation break lose from there 🤷♂️ .
The man has refuse to acknowledge the girl's wrong before the lady and, justified that she wanted to use the toilet but have a problem with the lady opening the girl's door without knocking, even when the lady tries to compare the two, he says they don't compare…from one argument to another, to threats to move out (that's, the man wanting to move out of the lady's house…).
Pls, what do you think is going on here?
Relationship experts, pls, your views…
Thanks
Yesterday we decided to take a break. Not because we want to see other people hell no, but because the pattern we were in was hurting more than supporting. We didn’t scream at each other or tell each other off, just listened and reassessed. He was at a point where he was caretaking me rather than figuring out what he needed. Trust me we had so many discussions about this and because he doesn’t know I cannot support him, and me being there is distracting from his own healing. I really don’t believe this is good bye forever but we both need to change and revaluate how we are treating ourselves and each other in the relationship. I miss him, desperately, and yes I did initiate this break. We’re still going to have healthy communication and check ins to see where we’re at. I hate this but I am holding him back and he needs time to figure things out with someone who has the tools to help him.
Well said
just cant believe my wife left me after 18 years, she just left me. she doesnt even want to talk to me anymore. Ive tried everything possible to get her back, but nothing seems to work and I cant stop thinking about her Im frustrated I dont see my life with anyone else. Ive done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I cant I dont know why I'm saying this here
Thank you for this perspective I was about to have a conversation this way again 🙏🏼
Man but the handicap does not understand that is toxic is only hallucinating?*
I would love to get to attend to learn a better communication way. Thank you fir all you share. It is helpful to hear, and hopefully put into practice.
Saying your sorry more doesnt mean that its sincere. When i apologize, it isnt most often( thats my boyfriend), but i know how to give a proper apology, and its sincere😢.
let's learn the numbers, here: less than 5% of couples that start at, say, 20 "make it" to say, 80. Enough said, Jimmy. Excellent work, though. So, when it's time to leave – LET GO and move on to the next person. I don't care how that sounds – to anybody. THIS IS LIFE so lots of people need to learn this or suffer for the rest of it. In other words, do NOT force "making it work" with "communication". STOP and move on. Why?
Because by that point, you are already on "borrowed time" with your partner / spouse / significant other / the person you're "dating" (or sleeping with).
Am looking for a partner
I'm single and looking something serious fun🎉
This is so spot on!