Episode 1421. Read or subscribe: https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/how-should-i-parent-my-non-christian-teen.
23 COMMENTS
If you are a Christian,why is it that your Teenager Child is not a Christian? if you believe in Christ,then you are a Christian.Probably, your Child believes in Jesus Christ, therefore he is a Christian.though, Serpent Proud Merciless Hypocrites thinks of your Child as not Christian, Probably They don't like his life,… which is his own and of GOD the FATHER in Christ
Before marriage, my wife-to-be and I discussed what a home of faith would be like. Thirty years and four kids later, we’ve had quite the wide range of experiences, all for the glory of God. The 15 year old turns 15, today. The oldest followed the path of the rebel (I never would have believed it). We talked on the phone for an hour, yesterday. That was the most communication I’ve had with him in years. He does not make room for Jesus in his life, at the moment. I invited him to join me next week for a longer visit, in person, next to a campfire like we used to enjoy. So, let me ask my brothers and sisters who love Jesus to pray for this broken hearted 💔 dad who wants to see his son embrace his Savior. Also, of all the timely APJs that I’ve listened to, This ☝🏼 was the timeliest.
My wife grew up in a Christian home but turned away from God in her teens, but then came back to faith later in life. Patience is key, as is understanding teenage behaviour. Just because they're a non-Christian teen doesn't mean they always will be. I was a non-Christian until my 30's, which was when I first properly heard the word of God preached.
I can so relate to this ..my daughter who is 18. I raised them to know Jesus, went to a Christian school, involved in youth groups, church etc…we are having so many problems now with her she goes to a Christian college, but we are not happy about some choices she is making, it is so devistating..I know it is satan he is after the Christian kids, or the kids of Christian's it seems…I totally did what you said about the anger, rage it's like you have righteous anger..especially when they quote back to you not to judge …twisting that scripture against you whenever you try to speak to them about living for Jesus. I am so devastated, emotionally drained, feeling hopeless, depressed after pouring everything into them to raise them right…and this world is pulling at them to live wrong and you see them falling for satan's lies…its heart wrenching.
16: I don't wanna go to church Parent: that's fine. I don't wanna pay your cell phone. What do you suppose we both do?
I'm making light of a serious matter. But seriously, you're the parent. We have 8 people in this household. 6 are children. None would even think of telling us they're not going to church. Yet. I'm sure it will come.
It might just be the teens don't like church. The church system doesn't work for everyone. Maybe try letting them search for their own spiritual way by helping them explore alternatives paths to a Christ focused life. It can be difficult to let them wander a bit, but some people need to spend some time searching for God in their own way. It might lead them back to the church or it might not, but at least they won't have memories of being forced into something they didn't want, leading to possible feelings of hostility towards the church that haunt them later in life.
It is difficult to get along with these teens at church, (being a Christian teen myself) and I tend to just be reserved and keep to myself, I identify more with the adults at church, I really hope I can forfeit "youth group" so I can join them.
Im a filipino.. u started all. All the porn, mtv,. Your the modern day Babylon. I feel soory for you, accept the trutht. Wef filipino all over the world. Come to us, if the war is break. America, Canada.. repent. Itss too late..
I appreciate the heart behind this video very much and agree with all of it except on one point. My minor child does NOT get to dictate what they will and will not cooperate with me on, and it matters not to me how “big” they are physically. I am responsible by law for my children, and yes, even a “child” up to the age of 17. Even if after I have all of these wonderful conversations with my son or daughter that Pastor John recommends, all of which I love, they think they are allowed to refuse to come with me to church on Sundays, they are sadly mistaken. I do not take that approach to parenting anywhere else in their lives… not with school, not with chores, not with any other duties or things I expect from them. Why on earth would I take a different position on accompanying the family to church? I was “forced” (if you want to call it that) to do all kinds of things I hated and resented while I was growing up and one of them did indeed include attending church. Would it have been better or helpful for me or my siblings if my parents would have caved and let me stay home alone? As a parent of 5 now between 15 months and age 16, I can adamantly say “NO” and that approach would have created all sorts of chaos in my home growing up. I sat there at church seething and hating my mom for making me go with her. Oh well, too bad! As a parent now, I sure do respect her integrity and the fact that she didn’t let me have the easy way out. Looking back now, I cannot imagine how much it would have crushed my spirit to think that my mother left me behind while she and my siblings attended church without me. My mother would often quote to me the verse in Joshua, “As for me and my house…”. Oh how I hated that verse! And indeed I hated God! She threatened serious consequences to me for not cooperating with her if I refused to go, and she followed through with them. I caused my family to miss church numerous times. And why shouldn’t she take away all of my privileges? At that point is is about me challenging her authority, to which she was not having any of it. I once had a pastor who didn’t have any children over the age of 6 tell me that I shouldn’t force my 15-year-old son to come to church with us if he didn’t want to come. I asked him if my son should also be able to wriggle out of chores, school and putting down his video game remotes using the same logic. I know my pastor was well-meaning, but you just cannot run a household by allowing the children to stipulate where they will and will not cooperate. While I cannot forced my child to love or pursue the Lord, I will pray for them and attempt to reach their heart as much as possible, but there’s no way they’re staying behind while the rest of us attend church as a family.
Tricky….if you’re raised Roman Catholic, you are drilled in the faith…you never really choose it. So, it’s sensible that a teen would rebel at some point. I’m not sure how it plays in a Protestant home where you don’t get baptized until YOU want to. Of course, if you force your kid into the faith, they will have issues accepting it as their own.
What do you mean by "Christian standard in this family"? My son's moral standards are much better than mine, but he just doesn't want to believe in Jesus. Why should my son fake attending church just because that's "my standard"?
I agree that the only thing we need to give the child at this time is the same unconditional love. Praying that one day God will bring Him back into His fold. "'Salvation is mine' says the Lord".
This is total crap. My children are now adults and I never laid down any rules for them whatsoever. They are all now professional people with a fantastic sense of compassion for others and it wasn’t because I made them” tow the line”. They simply believed me and their mother when we expressed our fear for them. The key was simply to express our own vulnerabilities to their decisions and encourage them to embrace our fears as their own. Whenever a situation called for it, our response was always “ I fear that this decision may lead to a false sense of who you are”. Your not a dollar figure, or a profession, or a judge, or vulnerable to yourself or others..I.e. a victim. Etc. we fear that you may adopt one or more of those ideas and it could compromise your true identity. WE fear for those things and we hope that you will fear with us. Imagine if your kids feared what you fear! It would revolutionize your relationship! My three did indeed accept our fears for the decisions they would have to make in life and now our relationship with them is one of truth, honesty, and unity. Of course we shared our own life decisions with them and it didn’t matter wether or not those decisions were right or wrong, good or bad…the focus was one of total unconditional acceptance. No rules, no expectations, no condemnation, no disappointments, no judgements, just simple exchanges of personal insight that allowed for criticism but never needed it. That’s called love!
That's a great point at the end about dualities being a limiting construct. Life is too complex to force outcomes and approaches into such binary buckets.
Its just freedom of religion kicking in.my parents were Christian, I was a wicca in Jr high.now I am 40 still and always a wicca.I gave church a try but its not my religion it will never be my religion realigion.Christians tryed to brain wash me out but never work because I stand strong behind my religion. My parents always told me you have right on what you want to believe in.I was lucky that my parents new try to shove a bible down my throat or a cross.
Some of them just don't believe the same things you. If your intention is to create religions clones of yourself that's not going to happen. There are many religions and beliefs you don't buy into. It's no different for them.
Christ can break the chains of disobedience. This is not meant to be understood naturally but spiritually. Those who are willing to believe in God, will see the victory of Jesus in their families. For those in the comments that don’t want to believe, then don’t. Blessed are those who do. I was a rebellious teen and the best thing my parents did for me was speak to me about Jesus. I was like many of you. Didn’t want to believe. I didn’t see Him. I didn’t hear Him. I didn’t believe. What I believed was in what I could see. The work of my hands. Until that wasn’t enough for me anymore. I excelled in my goals but i was empty. I got what I wanted but I got depressed and tried to distract myself with drugs, alcohol, parties, etc. But I was just fooling myself. The things I enjoyed doing, I couldn’t feel enjoyment anymore. I tried therapists but it was only bandages on top of my numbness just like drinking was. I turned to Jesus in my room, remembering all that my parents told me about Him, and asked Him to save me. I self harmed. Had eating disorders. Was depressed. I knew I didn’t deserve to have a good God save me. Believing in a God like that put me in front of a mirror to acknowledge my rebellion. When I accepted Him in my heart and began seeking Jesus (not religion) I found actual SUBSTANTIAL hope. Not hope founded on science or medicine (for that fades and changes) but in faith and I am now healed. So for those who don’t believe. That’s fine. Don’t. But for those WHO DO keep the faith. Don’t give up. God honors the faith of His children just continue persisting. God bless.
If you are a Christian,why is it that your Teenager Child is not a Christian? if you believe in Christ,then you are a Christian.Probably, your Child believes in Jesus Christ, therefore he is a Christian.though, Serpent Proud Merciless Hypocrites thinks of your Child as not Christian, Probably They don't like his life,… which is his own and of GOD the FATHER in Christ
Before marriage, my wife-to-be and I discussed what a home of faith would be like.
Thirty years and four kids later, we’ve had quite the wide range of experiences, all for the glory of God. The 15 year old turns 15, today. The oldest followed the path of the rebel (I never would have believed it). We talked on the phone for an hour, yesterday. That was the most communication I’ve had with him in years. He does not make room for Jesus in his life, at the moment. I invited him to join me next week for a longer visit, in person, next to a campfire like we used to enjoy.
So, let me ask my brothers and sisters who love Jesus to pray for this broken hearted 💔 dad who wants to see his son embrace his Savior.
Also, of all the timely APJs that I’ve listened to, This ☝🏼 was the timeliest.
My wife grew up in a Christian home but turned away from God in her teens, but then came back to faith later in life. Patience is key, as is understanding teenage behaviour. Just because they're a non-Christian teen doesn't mean they always will be. I was a non-Christian until my 30's, which was when I first properly heard the word of God preached.
I can so relate to this ..my daughter who is 18. I raised them to know Jesus, went to a Christian school, involved in youth groups, church etc…we are having so many problems now with her she goes to a Christian college, but we are not happy about some choices she is making, it is so devistating..I know it is satan he is after the Christian kids, or the kids of Christian's it seems…I totally did what you said about the anger, rage it's like you have righteous anger..especially when they quote back to you not to judge …twisting that scripture against you whenever you try to speak to them about living for Jesus. I am so devastated, emotionally drained, feeling hopeless, depressed after pouring everything into them to raise them right…and this world is pulling at them to live wrong and you see them falling for satan's lies…its heart wrenching.
Us as parents
16: I don't wanna go to church
Parent: that's fine. I don't wanna pay your cell phone. What do you suppose we both do?
I'm making light of a serious matter. But seriously, you're the parent. We have 8 people in this household. 6 are children. None would even think of telling us they're not going to church. Yet. I'm sure it will come.
It might just be the teens don't like church. The church system doesn't work for everyone. Maybe try letting them search for their own spiritual way by helping them explore alternatives paths to a Christ focused life. It can be difficult to let them wander a bit, but some people need to spend some time searching for God in their own way. It might lead them back to the church or it might not, but at least they won't have memories of being forced into something they didn't want, leading to possible feelings of hostility towards the church that haunt them later in life.
It is difficult to get along with these teens at church, (being a Christian teen myself) and I tend to just be reserved and keep to myself, I identify more with the adults at church, I really hope I can forfeit "youth group" so I can join them.
Sorry, i have a question pastor. Why in the book of Daniel, archangel Michael, is Lord Jesus is the same. Pls reply asap.
Im a filipino.. u started all. All the porn, mtv,. Your the modern day Babylon. I feel soory for you, accept the trutht. Wef filipino all over the world. Come to us, if the war is break. America, Canada.. repent. Itss too late..
"The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible."
Mark Twain
Holy fuck, this is like,, scary lmao
I need to speak with the grey haired pastor immediately. I feel called to do a stream with him on becoming citizens of the kingdom of heaven
How about? With Consideration and To be Accountable for what they Do.
I appreciate the heart behind this video very much and agree with all of it except on one point. My minor child does NOT get to dictate what they will and will not cooperate with me on, and it matters not to me how “big” they are physically. I am responsible by law for my children, and yes, even a “child” up to the age of 17. Even if after I have all of these wonderful conversations with my son or daughter that Pastor John recommends, all of which I love, they think they are allowed to refuse to come with me to church on Sundays, they are sadly mistaken. I do not take that approach to parenting anywhere else in their lives… not with school, not with chores, not with any other duties or things I expect from them. Why on earth would I take a different position on accompanying the family to church? I was “forced” (if you want to call it that) to do all kinds of things I hated and resented while I was growing up and one of them did indeed include attending church. Would it have been better or helpful for me or my siblings if my parents would have caved and let me stay home alone? As a parent of 5 now between 15 months and age 16, I can adamantly say “NO” and that approach would have created all sorts of chaos in my home growing up. I sat there at church seething and hating my mom for making me go with her. Oh well, too bad! As a parent now, I sure do respect her integrity and the fact that she didn’t let me have the easy way out. Looking back now, I cannot imagine how much it would have crushed my spirit to think that my mother left me behind while she and my siblings attended church without me. My mother would often quote to me the verse in Joshua, “As for me and my house…”. Oh how I hated that verse! And indeed I hated God! She threatened serious consequences to me for not cooperating with her if I refused to go, and she followed through with them. I caused my family to miss church numerous times. And why shouldn’t she take away all of my privileges? At that point is is about me challenging her authority, to which she was not having any of it. I once had a pastor who didn’t have any children over the age of 6 tell me that I shouldn’t force my 15-year-old son to come to church with us if he didn’t want to come. I asked him if my son should also be able to wriggle out of chores, school and putting down his video game remotes using the same logic. I know my pastor was well-meaning, but you just cannot run a household by allowing the children to stipulate where they will and will not cooperate. While I cannot forced my child to love or pursue the Lord, I will pray for them and attempt to reach their heart as much as possible, but there’s no way they’re staying behind while the rest of us attend church as a family.
Tricky….if you’re raised Roman Catholic, you are drilled in the faith…you never really choose it. So, it’s sensible that a teen would rebel at some point. I’m not sure how it plays in a Protestant home where you don’t get baptized until YOU want to. Of course, if you force your kid into the faith, they will have issues accepting it as their own.
What do you mean by "Christian standard in this family"?
My son's moral standards are much better than mine, but he just doesn't want to believe in Jesus.
Why should my son fake attending church just because that's "my standard"?
I agree that the only thing we need to give the child at this time is the same unconditional love. Praying that one day God will bring Him back into His fold. "'Salvation is mine' says the Lord".
How patient is our Lord for us to come to Him? As parents, shouldn't we do the same?
This is total crap. My children are now adults and I never laid down any rules for them whatsoever. They are all now professional people with a fantastic sense of compassion for others and it wasn’t because I made them” tow the line”. They simply believed me and their mother when we expressed our fear for them. The key was simply to express our own vulnerabilities to their decisions and encourage them to embrace our fears as their own. Whenever a situation called for it, our response was always “ I fear that this decision may lead to a false sense of who you are”.
Your not a dollar figure, or a profession, or a judge, or vulnerable to yourself or others..I.e. a victim. Etc. we fear that you may adopt one or more of those ideas and it could compromise your true identity. WE fear for those things and we hope that you will fear with us.
Imagine if your kids feared what you fear! It would revolutionize your relationship! My three did indeed accept our fears for the decisions they would have to make in life and now our relationship with them is one of truth, honesty, and unity. Of course we shared our own life decisions with them and it didn’t matter wether or not those decisions were right or wrong, good or bad…the focus was one of total unconditional acceptance. No rules, no expectations, no condemnation, no disappointments, no judgements, just simple exchanges of personal insight that allowed for criticism but never needed it. That’s called love!
That's a great point at the end about dualities being a limiting construct. Life is too complex to force outcomes and approaches into such binary buckets.
Its just freedom of religion kicking in.my parents were Christian, I was a wicca in Jr high.now I am 40 still and always a wicca.I gave church a try but its not my religion it will never be my religion realigion.Christians tryed to brain wash me out but never work because I stand strong behind my religion. My parents always told me you have right on what you want to believe in.I was lucky that my parents new try to shove a bible down my throat or a cross.
Need the with my kiss he is 16 age old prayer amen. Naples Florida
Some of them just don't believe the same things you. If your intention is to create religions clones of yourself that's not going to happen. There are many religions and beliefs you don't buy into. It's no different for them.
Christ can break the chains of disobedience. This is not meant to be understood naturally but spiritually. Those who are willing to believe in God, will see the victory of Jesus in their families. For those in the comments that don’t want to believe, then don’t. Blessed are those who do. I was a rebellious teen and the best thing my parents did for me was speak to me about Jesus. I was like many of you. Didn’t want to believe. I didn’t see Him. I didn’t hear Him. I didn’t believe. What I believed was in what I could see. The work of my hands. Until that wasn’t enough for me anymore. I excelled in my goals but i was empty. I got what I wanted but I got depressed and tried to distract myself with drugs, alcohol, parties, etc. But I was just fooling myself. The things I enjoyed doing, I couldn’t feel enjoyment anymore. I tried therapists but it was only bandages on top of my numbness just like drinking was. I turned to Jesus in my room, remembering all that my parents told me about Him, and asked Him to save me. I self harmed. Had eating disorders. Was depressed. I knew I didn’t deserve to have a good God save me. Believing in a God like that put me in front of a mirror to acknowledge my rebellion. When I accepted Him in my heart and began seeking Jesus (not religion) I found actual SUBSTANTIAL hope. Not hope founded on science or medicine (for that fades and changes) but in faith and I am now healed. So for those who don’t believe. That’s fine. Don’t. But for those WHO DO keep the faith. Don’t give up. God honors the faith of His children just continue persisting. God bless.