Dr. John Townsend helps parents of adult children to understand common ways parents and children contribute to a rift in the …
40 COMMENTS
One of my adult children has a personality disorder, like two of my sisters and my mother. She is a grudgemeister which makes it impossible to have a healthy relationship with her. She refuses to get past offenses (real or contrived) that I committed when she was a child. At age 32, she is more distant with me than ever she has been. I’ve been her greatest cheerleader her entire life! I discern that she has trouble spending time with me cuz her conscience is pricked just being in my presence. She’s read and heard so much from many other young adults who have deconstructed the faith of their upbringing cuz their parents brainwashed them. Friends and family have caused her to question my love for her. Friends of mine whose adult children have alienated themselves from them have been counseled by their so-called Christian friends to put distance between themselves and their parents. I see this huge mess being caused by children disobeying the commandment to HONOR YOUR PARENTS! They should be shaking in their shoes!
I keep seeing a book for parents concerning maintaining healthy relationships with adult children – KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND THE WELCOME MAT OUT. I don’t try to tell my four adult children what to do; all four of them freely try to tell me what to do! Where are the books on that, both for me and for them???
I hacent seen my don since 2007 /9and pappa in 20 mum in 20they unbeleivers. Son stolen for sdoption i got no marriage ir children um tired of hearing they seek em out 18 is totally different zo 4 esp when defiled by selfish adopters of child who said no himself.
Thank you so much for this broadcast! This encouraged my heart on so many levels! You have provided me with great insight and wisdom to help me strengthen and repair the relationship with my teen. It's a very difficult place to be in but I believe the Lord will turn things around for my family. God Bless You all!
Personally, spouse/family controlling adult child issues of abuse and concern surface with grandchildren, then all communication is cut off from adult child & grand children. Not to be able to talk or share the evidence of concerns. Keeping adult child from seeing and knowing what was seen, so no questions or issues to be addressed. Out of sight, out of mind, of adult child…no issues, everything is fine!
I am adult with teens. I’m a xenial gen x/ millennial. Everyone loves to blame millennials for their lack of respect and what not. Truth is a lot of us have boomer parents who would never do what Dr. Townsend said to do at around the 15min. mark of this video. They are still manipulative, controlling, and self serving! My parents and mother in -law is. Honestly, I know pastors that are too . I even have friends that are PKs and testify of the same thing. Sin is the problem and the parent is sometimes the one one that needs to repent. That is usually why these relationships aren’t reconciled in my experience. This is why new generations consider the old generations and churches hypocrites. So sad. Everyone needs to humble themselves before Jesus and operate in His grace and truth. I am going to start applying this to my relationship with my teens and young adult! Pray for us please. 🥰
"BOUNDARIES"📝 The greatest integration of human beings in conflict based on Scripture. I believe 9M is low, because so many share the book. Plus Audio and You Tube videos. The reach of Cloud and Townsend is wide. There is no one who does not need to read this book
A lot of the problem these days is that modern-day psychology teaches the younger ones to "go no contact" when encountering parents that modern-day psychology calls narcissists.
Yes, I do know that people can have deep problems and that they can be narcissistic, however today's children are being indoctrinated into thinking that if they disagree with parents and seem to get nowhere, then their parents must automatically be narcissists, so then the respect and honor for called for in the bible for parents becomes nonexistent.
Actually, it's the children who will suffer regret the most.
The problem with some parents is that they see any kind of disagreement as rebellion. You could literally be quoting bible verses or even agreeing with them but as long you're not mimicking or they don't understand their reaction is violent or abusive because they equate any sort of independent thinking with disrespect, ingratitude or demonic rebellion. Sometimes the situation is hopeless not because their is no solution but because the parent is unwilling to take any kind responsibility for anything the have done. They refuse to acknowledge the damage and they are dismissive of any hurt they have caused. And you're right about manipulation. Imagine a parent initiating the conversation you the way you have suggested only to dismiss, attack and curse the child when the child shares their valid grievances based on true events. It's like the parent isn't building a bridge because they want to heal the relationship, they are trying manipulate the child so that they can continue to mistreat and control them. This is a wonderful episode and I'm praying that every adult child and parent who are willing to do the work will see this..I'm also praying for those of us who have to accept that things will not change and it's just a cross that we have to carry.
I can tell that Satan is working really hard to destroy families. He’s definitely at work trying to divide my relationships with my adult children. Thank you for this.
Children chooses to do or not. One thing guarantee is my daughter will not be allowed to pay any respect to me in the casket she has chosen her life to go to the leftand I think after three years we know what the left looks like God's the only one that's going to intercede and wake her up and if not I'm fine with thatbut you would sing someone that's 44 would be a grown adult now she's still like a five-year-old and I'm done
What about when your adult child is 24 and doesn't respect you as a parent or your house rules and he is working give 500 dollars a month but does it he think we're equals and doesn't want to live the house,I raise my son alone no father we divorce when my son was 2 years old,how to deal with this situation?
Please pray for my relationship with my adult son Angel , who’s 36 yr old … due to respect he was put out at 18-24 …. And has been back finally for the last 2 years however, he still is disrespectful and doesn’t do a thing to help at home …. We recently had a huge blow out and I lost my mind… but he plays victim and makes me feel guilty if he’s asked to grow up . I’ve always been there for him always attending all his baseball, football games thru age 18 and wrestling…. Was always a team mom and classroom mom …. He’s my 1st born only son and 3 girls but this is so hard . 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏Thank u 🥲
REHAB TIME! PARENTHOOD AZ IT IS IN HUEMAN SOCIETY TWODEY IS STILL A FORM OF TEMPORARY OWNERSHIP OVA ANOTHER PERSON A CHILD IS AT THE MERCY OF THE AWARENESS AND ATTUNEMENT OF THEIR PARENTS WHO THEY R TAUGHT TO BELONG TO. FACTS OVA FEELINGS!
My gosh, I wish my mom would do this. She hurt our whole family deeply when she cheated on my dad. She walked away from the lord, it’s been 4 years and she doesn’t feel like she needs to say sorry and pretends everything is ok. Can you do a show on this topic reversed ?? Sometimes I don’t even want her in my life because it hurts more than having her in my life.
Divorce is the cause. What parent has more money and blaming the other parent for the break. I have not talked to my daughter in 10 years, her psychologist wrote an affidavit against me saying that I was crazy in a effort to take away my alimony on the 12 year battle after divorce in court.The psychologist never meet me. Of course she lost her license. It’s all about power and control No about justice and respect. When people can’t control you they get really mad. It’s a narcissist society. I never understood what consequences will have to the judge that I was crazy or not, nothing because there’s a law! It was a way to signed off my children from the relationship.
Thank you for this discussion. My 💔 without relationship with my 30-something son. I've suggested group counseling and repented, however he opts for the alienation behaviors. It's been a couple years, i 🙏 for resolution before we have no opportunity to on this earth.
@14:00 i don't now if it's close to even possible that my parents would EVER say anything hopeful or healing like that to me. The only thing I could think of is confessing hurt and past wounds they did tjat impacted me and then putting up boundaries if they continue to act and do the same hurtful disconnected patterns that they have no present day problems with repeating.
My mother misguided and devalued me and never supported r encouraged,,her words and actions damaged me she says she had , given birth and brought me into world, Those who do not value children r immature,. there r certain rules that every parents should follow.
Our oldest sent us a letter stating everything we did from childhood to adulthood. She stated that there would be no contact without repentive apology. The last time I saw her and our 7 grandchildren was 12/31/17. There has been zero contact.
I am much older than 25yrs and the social climate in our country has really cost us a lot, but I cannot just chalk up irresponsibility to "they did the best with what they knew". I love my family, but I hate continuous lying and denying responsibility.
With the exception of true abuse, it seems clear that this is another plot by the powers that be to divide families and break down society, the same way that welfare caused the break down of families. Universities began teaching therapists 30 or more years ago that adult kids need to focus on their growth, and if a parent annoys them in some way, they have the right to cut them off without explanation. That is why parental estrangement is running rampant. Adult kids are being manipulated by their therapists, who had been indoctrinated in the universities. It’s time for that to change, and I believe it will someday soon. Children must be encouraged to give their parents a chance, but many would rather not be burdened with parents, and today’s society makes it okay for them to discard them with no remorse.
My heart is so hurt and disappointed by my adult daughter marrying a Greek man. The Greek family and the husband too now is insisting she and the new baby become fully Greek and I am really hurt. To make it worse we as Apostolics and children of Christ are not included in the Greek Orthodox way of worship.
I am a 40 year old daughter who has not spoken to my dad since the passing of my mother December 2021. My dad is an addict. I have 7 children that I have to protect because I wasn't protected when I was growing up
This whole “BOUNDARIES”:series has GREATLY FED THIS EPIDEMIC! Everything is a boundary— if you disagree with me. You know it’s true. You should write a book set the record straight about abusing this boundary bundle
Wow how unhelpful. You should title your page differently. Starting with “we are a fallen people” makes it obvious you’re centered on Christianity. So that should be reflected in your page name. Other religions have families too.
“The culture” does not say “cut off anyone you disagree with.” It says to cut off TOXIC people, like people who think they own you sinply because they birthed you and have a religious text that affirms their dominance.
My 44 yo daughter has not talked to me in 3 yrs. I was a week end Grandma to her 2 daughters the first 12 yrs. And my 40 yo son would not let me see his daughter for the first yr. Now his son is 3 weeks. I went to visit. He would not let me see the baby. My kids grew up in church.
I’ve made a lot of mistake especially being a very young mom myself. I had three kids at the age of 21 and was still very immature myself. I’ve apologized to my kids over and over for years. I’ve tried to just listen to them and support them. But it still a struggle for them to completely forgive me. I’ve built bridges over Ana over. From phone calls to lunches to deep conversations. To constant reminders of my love for them and more. And it still seems to be a struggle. I think what hurts me is we go through long periods where it feels like things are going in a positive direction and then I’m hit with more conversation on how I’ve made them feel or hurt them . And that’s what’s hard the emotional rollercoaster I’m on.
One of my adult children has a personality disorder, like two of my sisters and my mother. She is a grudgemeister which makes it impossible to have a healthy relationship with her. She refuses to get past offenses (real or contrived) that I committed when she was a child. At age 32, she is more distant with me than ever she has been. I’ve been her greatest cheerleader her entire life! I discern that she has trouble spending time with me cuz her conscience is pricked just being in my presence. She’s read and heard so much from many other young adults who have deconstructed the faith of their upbringing cuz their parents brainwashed them. Friends and family have caused her to question my love for her. Friends of mine whose adult children have alienated themselves from them have been counseled by their so-called Christian friends to put distance between themselves and their parents. I see this huge mess being caused by children disobeying the commandment to HONOR YOUR PARENTS! They should be shaking in their shoes!
I keep seeing a book for parents concerning maintaining healthy relationships with adult children – KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND THE WELCOME MAT OUT. I don’t try to tell my four adult children what to do; all four of them freely try to tell me what to do! Where are the books on that, both for me and for them???
I hacent seen my don since 2007 /9and pappa in 20 mum in 20they unbeleivers. Son stolen for sdoption i got no marriage ir children um tired of hearing they seek em out 18 is totally different zo 4 esp when defiled by selfish adopters of child who said no himself.
Thank you so much for this broadcast! This encouraged my heart on so many levels! You have provided me with great insight and wisdom to help me strengthen and repair the relationship with my teen. It's a very difficult place to be in but I believe the Lord will turn things around for my family. God Bless You all!
You DONT NEED TO REPAIR UR RELATIONSHIP WITH UR FAMILY PERIOD.
The father of the prodigal son waited until the son recognized he had sinned against heaven and his father. What do you say about that option?
Personally, spouse/family controlling adult child issues of abuse and concern surface with grandchildren, then all communication is cut off from adult child & grand children. Not to be able to talk or share the evidence of concerns. Keeping adult child from seeing and knowing what was seen, so no questions or issues to be addressed. Out of sight, out of mind, of adult child…no issues, everything is fine!
I am adult with teens. I’m a xenial gen x/ millennial. Everyone loves to blame millennials for their lack of respect and what not. Truth is a lot of us have boomer parents who would never do what Dr. Townsend said to do at around the 15min. mark of this video. They are still manipulative, controlling, and self serving! My parents and mother in -law is. Honestly, I know pastors that are too . I even have friends that are PKs and testify of the same thing. Sin is the problem and the parent is sometimes the one one that needs to repent. That is usually why these relationships aren’t reconciled in my experience. This is why new generations consider the old generations and churches hypocrites. So sad. Everyone needs to humble themselves before Jesus and operate in His grace and truth. I am going to start applying this to my relationship with my teens and young adult! Pray for us please. 🥰
"BOUNDARIES"📝 The greatest integration of human beings in conflict based on Scripture. I believe 9M is low, because so many share the book. Plus Audio and You Tube videos. The reach of Cloud and Townsend is wide. There is no one who does not need to read this book
I have been blessed by Focus!!!
Thank you all so much!!!
A lot of the problem these days is that modern-day psychology teaches the younger ones to "go no contact" when encountering parents that modern-day psychology calls narcissists.
Yes, I do know that people can have deep problems and that they can be narcissistic, however today's children are being indoctrinated into thinking that if they disagree with parents and seem to get nowhere, then their parents must automatically be narcissists, so then the respect and honor for called for in the bible for parents becomes nonexistent.
Actually, it's the children who will suffer regret the most.
The problem with some parents is that they see any kind of disagreement as rebellion. You could literally be quoting bible verses or even agreeing with them but as long you're not mimicking or they don't understand their reaction is violent or abusive because they equate any sort of independent thinking with disrespect, ingratitude or demonic rebellion. Sometimes the situation is hopeless not because their is no solution but because the parent is unwilling to take any kind responsibility for anything the have done. They refuse to acknowledge the damage and they are dismissive of any hurt they have caused. And you're right about manipulation. Imagine a parent initiating the conversation you the way you have suggested only to dismiss, attack and curse the child when the child shares their valid grievances based on true events. It's like the parent isn't building a bridge because they want to heal the relationship, they are trying manipulate the child so that they can continue to mistreat and control them. This is a wonderful episode and I'm praying that every adult child and parent who are willing to do the work will see this..I'm also praying for those of us who have to accept that things will not change and it's just a cross that we have to carry.
I can tell that Satan is working really hard to destroy families. He’s definitely at work trying to divide my relationships with my adult children. Thank you for this.
Children chooses to do or not. One thing guarantee is my daughter will not be allowed to pay any respect to me in the casket she has chosen her life to go to the leftand I think after three years we know what the left looks like God's the only one that's going to intercede and wake her up and if not I'm fine with thatbut you would sing someone that's 44 would be a grown adult now she's still like a five-year-old and I'm done
What about when your adult child is 24 and doesn't respect you as a parent or your house rules and he is working give 500 dollars a month but does it he think we're equals and doesn't want to live the house,I raise my son alone no father we divorce when my son was 2 years old,how to deal with this situation?
Please pray for my relationship with my adult son Angel , who’s 36 yr old … due to respect he was put out at 18-24 …. And has been back finally for the last 2 years however, he still is disrespectful and doesn’t do a thing to help at home …. We recently had a huge blow out and I lost my mind… but he plays victim and makes me feel guilty if he’s asked to grow up . I’ve always been there for him always attending all his baseball, football games thru age 18 and wrestling…. Was always a team mom and classroom mom …. He’s my 1st born only son and 3 girls but this is so hard . 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏Thank u 🥲
REHAB TIME! PARENTHOOD AZ IT IS IN HUEMAN SOCIETY TWODEY IS STILL A FORM OF TEMPORARY OWNERSHIP OVA ANOTHER PERSON A CHILD IS AT THE MERCY OF THE AWARENESS AND ATTUNEMENT OF THEIR PARENTS WHO THEY R TAUGHT TO BELONG TO. FACTS OVA FEELINGS!
My gosh, I wish my mom would do this. She hurt our whole family deeply when she cheated on my dad. She walked away from the lord, it’s been 4 years and she doesn’t feel like she needs to say sorry and pretends everything is ok.
Can you do a show on this topic reversed ?? Sometimes I don’t even want her in my life because it hurts more than having her in my life.
Divorce is the cause. What parent has more money and blaming the other parent for the break.
I have not talked to my daughter in 10 years, her psychologist wrote an affidavit against me saying that I was crazy in a effort to take away my alimony on the 12 year battle after divorce in court.The psychologist never meet me. Of course she lost her license.
It’s all about power and control No about justice and respect. When people can’t control you they get really mad. It’s a narcissist society.
I never understood what consequences will have to the judge that I was crazy or not, nothing because there’s a law!
It was a way to signed off my children from the relationship.
Thank you for this discussion. My 💔 without relationship with my 30-something son. I've suggested group counseling and repented, however he opts for the alienation behaviors. It's been a couple years, i 🙏 for resolution before we have no opportunity to on this earth.
Anyone wanting to pay $40,000-$60,000 for in-vitro fertilization should watch this episode first 😁
@14:00 i don't now if it's close to even possible that my parents would EVER say anything hopeful or healing like that to me. The only thing I could think of is confessing hurt and past wounds they did tjat impacted me and then putting up boundaries if they continue to act and do the same hurtful disconnected patterns that they have no present day problems with repeating.
What if the adult children (myself) don't have any of those problems you mentioned? What if those excuses aren't present for the parents to bring up?
( REHAB TIME! ) PARENTS WONDER Y THE STREAMS R BITTER WEN THEY THEMSELVES POISON THE FOUNTAIN. FACTS OVA FEELINGS!
My mother misguided and devalued me and never supported r encouraged,,her words and actions damaged me she says she had , given birth and brought me into world,
Those who do not value children r immature,. there r certain rules that every parents should follow.
Timothy says these broken relationships are a sign of the times.
Our oldest sent us a letter stating everything we did from childhood to adulthood. She stated that there would be no contact without repentive apology. The last time I saw her and our 7 grandchildren was 12/31/17. There has been zero contact.
I am much older than 25yrs and the social climate in our country has really cost us a lot, but I cannot just chalk up irresponsibility to "they did the best with what they knew". I love my family, but I hate continuous lying and denying responsibility.
With the exception of true abuse, it seems clear that this is another plot by the powers that be to divide families and break down society, the same way that welfare caused the break down of families. Universities began teaching therapists 30 or more years ago that adult kids need to focus on their growth, and if a parent annoys them in some way, they have the right to cut them off without explanation. That is why parental estrangement is running rampant. Adult kids are being manipulated by their therapists, who had been indoctrinated in the universities. It’s time for that to change, and I believe it will someday soon. Children must be encouraged to give their parents a chance, but many would rather not be burdened with parents, and today’s society makes it okay for them to discard them with no remorse.
My heart is so hurt and disappointed by my adult daughter marrying a Greek man.
The Greek family and the husband too now is insisting she and the new baby become fully Greek and I am really hurt.
To make it worse we as Apostolics and children of Christ are not included in the Greek Orthodox way of worship.
Yes it does make life feel much heavier. You said it right
Thank you for this both parents and children have a responsibility to accept in the conflict
I am a 40 year old daughter who has not spoken to my dad since the passing of my mother December 2021. My dad is an addict. I have 7 children that I have to protect because I wasn't protected when I was growing up
I wish they could talk about how relationships can still be strained with our elderly parents. There is so much pain still.
This whole “BOUNDARIES”:series has GREATLY FED THIS EPIDEMIC! Everything is a boundary— if you disagree with me. You know it’s true. You should write a book set the record straight about abusing this boundary bundle
Wow how unhelpful. You should title your page differently. Starting with “we are a fallen people” makes it obvious you’re centered on Christianity. So that should be reflected in your page name. Other religions have families too.
“The culture” does not say “cut off anyone you disagree with.” It says to cut off TOXIC people, like people who think they own you sinply because they birthed you and have a religious text that affirms their dominance.
Terrible show. You all don't get it at all.
My 44 yo daughter has not talked to me in 3 yrs. I was a week end Grandma to her 2 daughters the first 12 yrs. And my 40 yo son would not let me see his daughter for the first yr. Now his son is 3 weeks. I went to visit. He would not let me see the baby. My kids grew up in church.
I’ve made a lot of mistake especially being a very young mom myself. I had three kids at the age of 21 and was still very immature myself. I’ve apologized to my kids over and over for years. I’ve tried to just listen to them and support them. But it still a struggle for them to completely forgive me. I’ve built bridges over Ana over. From phone calls to lunches to deep conversations. To constant reminders of my love for them and more. And it still seems to be a struggle. I think what hurts me is we go through long periods where it feels like things are going in a positive direction and then I’m hit with more conversation on how I’ve made them feel or hurt them . And that’s what’s hard the emotional rollercoaster I’m on.